You know, I love my life! I love my children and my husband so much that when I think about it too much it actually hurts! But it's a good hurt, know what I mean? The feelings that well up inside of me are so tender and loving. (Then someone breaks in with some contention and I lose it all! Dang it!)
Was that random? Well that's o.k. because I think very randomly. Sometimes I don't think at all before I say something. (You can ask my Mom. She'll tell you that I used to say things that she considered tacky. I thought I was just being honest.)
I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things lately. Sometimes you don't realize all the great things you have until it might be taken away. So with this scare of the big "C", I've been thinking a lot about my family. You know, most of the time I feel like a failure in this venture. (I'm a blue in the color family, if anyone knows about this, then you also know that I feel really guilty about anything that I do wrong. Luckily, there's some yellow to give some relief. That's the fun color! )
Sometimes I think to myself, "Why would all these children agree to come down to me?" Is it because I'm good for them, or maybe it's the other way around and they are the one's who are teaching me all the lessons. Hmmm...I think that we both get something from it. But I really hope that they REALLY wanted to come to me and that they didn't see it as a hardship that they were willing to go through. I love them so much. Even when they drive me nuts! Am I the only one who feels like their kids drive them nuts sometimes. I want to be a great loving mother. I don't want to be irritated or upset or angry. I want to only have feelings of love. I don't want to raise my voice in anger. I don't want my kids to think that I don't love them. I want them to KNOW I love them...(I must be really tired cuz this post is very random, but it is what I'm thinking about)
Kelvin's surgery was supposed to be today, but the doctors office called on Sat. and let us know that one of the doctor's were going to be out of town and the other one didn't want to do the surgery without that doctor. I really hate waiting for things that I'm dreading. I really want this whole thing to be over so we can get back to being o.k. So I won't have to worry about if everything WILL be o.k.
I'm also going to be giving my sister a baby shower. On the 15th of Nov. Might not have volunteered for that one if I'd know what was happening. My four year old twins birthday is on Nov. 7th. Just 3 days after the big surgery. I don't want to take away their birthday fun. Kelvin will be coming home on that day. I don't know what to do. (Does anyone have any ideas?)
On a happier note, Tanner, my 14 year old is in football and we've been going to his games every week and I really love being there. I love that he's motivated by playing. He's getting really good grades for the first time since the 4th grade. He barely passed the 8th grade. I'm so pleased with him. I know that he really likes football. I wish that I could get him to join another sport right away, because I don't want him to fall behind. I'm afraid that he'll get complacent and won't keep his grades up!
Joseph and Emma are in pre-school now and they absolutely love it. I love their teacher too. It's so funny how they talk about some things. Joseph says that the preschool teachers daughter "is the prettiest girl ever, in the whole world" I think that it's a crush. Too bad she's already engaged to be married. And Emma had a dream about the giggly girl in her preschool class. (one of the girls giggles when anyone says her name in class.) Don't you love hearing about the dreams they have? I love it. They remember very clearly for being so young.
Here's a funny story. Chase (when he was 4) asked his Dad this question, "Dad, when you die can I have your house? Dad: "What about your brothers and sisters? Chase: "They'll be married and have their own houses." Dad: "Don't you want to be married and have your own family?" Chase: "No...I don't want the responsibiwity." He did this with complete solemnity. He really cracks me up sometimes.
Here's another one. I was on bed rest with the twins when he was 5 years old. I was watching Jurassic Park and Chase was watching next to my bed. There was a part in the beginning where the raptors grabbed a man and dragged him in and ate him up. After that part, Chase, with big brown eyes, turns to me and says in a totally serious voice, "Mom, I don't EVER want to go on that field trip." Oh my gosh! It was hilarious. I felt so bad for letting him watch that. I love that movie and I just didn't think how it would be for a little 5 year old. I am a horrible mother. But I still laugh at it.
Well... I'm really tired and so I'll let you go for now. Ciao baby!