It’s been a long couple of weeks….

 

This past couple of weeks have been kind of hard for our family.  A dear friends daughter was killed in an automobile accident on June 9th.  She and a couple of other girls were on their way to girls camp.  The Young Women’s President was driving when  tire blew and in the process of pulling over they were hit by another car which prompted the car to roll.  Two of the girls died and the other one I believe was in critical condition along with the  Young Women’s President. (Who has 8 children at home).

This tragedy was compounded by the knowledge that they had already lost their father.  While they lived in our ward boundaries their father passed away and shortly thereafter they moved.  My son was close to their son and we’ve kind of kept in touch through them.  Not really doing anything with them, but knowing how things were going etc…

I have felt so guilty since the funeral.  I didn’t go to it.  I should have.  I feel like the most horrible person in the world.  I just cry every time I think about it.  I should’ve supported her and been there for her and I failed.  Kelvin took Wade and Beth to it and she asked where I was.  Wade said I was sick.  Which I wasn’t and I didn’t ask him to say that, so I feel even guiltier.  I’m not quite sure why I didn’t go.  I feel so bad that she’s had so much tragedy in her family.  And my family has been so blessed.  I still have my husband and my daughters.  I know I would’ve lost it right there.  I didn’t know what to say.  Does saying  I’m sorry really cover it?  No.  I failed there.  I should’ve been there…  I wish I could have it to do over again, but at least I know I’ll never do it again.

Here’s the second thing that was rather horrible too. 

My nephew died on the 14th.  Benjamin was a beautiful young man.  He was born with Cystic Fibrosis.  He struggled to breathe EVERY day of his life.  But he was SO GOOD.  They never thought he would be able to serve a mission or go through the Temple or that he’d even make it to the age that he did.  He had several surgeries to help him.  He had a port that I believe connected to his belly, probably to help with the enzymes for his digestion.  I don’t know for sure. 

He was serving a mission here in Las Vegas when he passed.  The funeral was amazing and SO full of the spirit.  All the missionaries that were serving here came and sang “Called To Serve”  Oh my goodness, if you have never heard a group of missionaries sing that song than you need to attend a missionary conference.  Just watching ALL those missionaries walk to the front  was amazing on its own.  I cried watching them walk to the front.  The Mission President spoke about him and it was beautiful.  He released him from his mission and said that he feel like he probably shouldn’t do that since he knows that Benjamin was finally able to serve a Full-time mission in the spirit world.  Doing it the way he always wanted instead of in the mission office. 

In  a blessing, he was told that he would be able to choose when he would die.  And when his mother would tell him “Come on Benjamin, you need to get up and exercise (when he was in the hospital) . He would say, “I’m too tired”  She would always say, “Well, are you ready to see Heavenly Father and Jesus?”  And usually he would rally and get up to walk around.  This last time he told his Mom, “I’m not like Jesus…But I AM trying to be like him.

Julie, Benjamin’s Mom, said that the day or the day after Ben passed away her two year old niece kept saying that Ben was in jail.  She kept telling her that no, he was in heaven.  But the little girl was insistent that he was in jail.  Well, then Julie figured it out.  She was probably seeing Ben teach in the spirit prison.  He WAS doing what he has ALWAYS wanted to do.  He was  a Missionary teaching the gospel.  (I just bawled over that one)

They allowed them to show a video of Ben’s life in the chapel.  They usually don’t, but due to certain things they let them do it.  It was the most beautiful thing I have EVER seen.  I can’t remember all of one of the quotes that was on it, but it said “Don’t try to get the storm to end, just dance in the rain.  And then it showed a clip of Benjamin in the rain with his umbrella up and he started to sing the song “I’m singing in the rain”.  It was amazing because he didn’t talk a lot around family functions.  He would have to be coaxed to talk.  He had a beautiful voice!!  And at the end of his singing part of that song, he said “That’s all folks”  I bawled all over.

I don’t like funerals.  I don’t like to go to hospitals.  I don’t like to accept that people die and sometimes it’s their time to go.  But THIS funeral….was a beautiful, tender tribute to a young man who’s life was tragically short, but who lived it like a hero.  I love Benjamin and I will miss him.